We really enjoyed the time together before we left the house, we laughed and made fun of things like talking like Darth Vader after surgery. Unfortunately that is the last memory I have of that day.
After I had the surgery, within the first few hours we knew something was terrible wrong. Then it turn from we are having complication to I don't think she is going to make it. My esophagus had tore open and everything that went into my mouth was now going into my chest cavity. Usually when this happens, if it not corrected within the first 24 hours, infection sets in and your chances of survival drops to about 20%. If it is not corrected within the first few days, your chances of survival drop to 0% because the infections has now taken over your whole chest cavity, heart, lung and your airway will close due to swelling. I was kept comfortable for weeks in ICU because no doctor was willing to try to fix the problem. I was now just waiting to die. That is what my family was being told.
I was in and out of a coma, had up to 6 chest tubes, a tracheotomy, feeding tube, up to 4 different IVs in my arms and legs, and was unable to let my family know I was ok.
The reason I know I was ok was of where I had placed myself. I crawled up under God's wing and had taken refuge. No one could hear me, or see me there. It was quiet under His wing. I never heard God's voice, but I could feel His heart beat. I never saw any bright lights to run to, but I was never in the dark. I could see fear in my husband face, but I never felt afraid. My body felt so much pain, but my spirit was comforted by God's awesome presents.
I stayed tucked under God's wing for 100 days. During those 100 days God brought me two doctors that were willing to try. They were young enough not to go by the book or stay within the box, but I also think they could see in me that I didn't want to give up.
100 days in the hospital and I got to come home to live, to love, to rejoice in God's almighty hand.